Dear Graham,
After the fastest 12 weeks of my life and the first 12 weeks of yours, I go back to work tomorrow. I felt inclined to write you a letter about this event not to chronicle your milestones or growth like your normal letters, but to tell you how I feel and explain my reasons about returning to work. Perhaps this is more of a letter for mommy than it is for you.
When I was young, I was taught that the only thing that would ever hold me back in life was me. This mantra has shaped nearly every life experience for me and it's one that we will try our hardest to instill in you. I hope you grab onto this lesson and ride it for all it's worth. As cliche as it may sound, you have the ability to achieve whatever it is you set your mind to achieving. And I can't wait to be there cheering you on the entire way.
Because of this mindset, I always knew that I wanted to be both a working professional and a mom. I didn't see why I would have to be defined by just one title or why I would need to chose one over the other. I knew I could do both.
Then, you came along. And I loved spending time with you. Watching you grow. Reading to you. Taking walks. Fostering your development. Much to my surprise, I started to dread the date on the calendar when I wouldn't have the opportunity to be with you all of the time. Yet, at the same time, I was looking forward to returning to the workplace and using a part of my personality that isn't stimulated at home. I felt so torn.
I was prepared for feeling upset about this transition. I wasn't prepared for the crippling guilt that comes with making this decision. Instead of feeling like the world was my oyster, I began feeling like I was choosing one lifestyle over another.
And, that's why I wanted to write you this letter. I'm not choosing anything over you, nor will I ever. Instead, your daddy and I are working to provide you with opportunities. Opportunities that one day I pray you will recognize, be thankful for, and run with. And, ultimately, it's my hope that you'll see in your mommy and daddy two people who are trying their hardest to provide for you, both at home and at work.
With so much love it hurts,
Mommy
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